Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Honk If You're...

Vehicle belonging to a progressive friend:







Vehicle belonging to libertarian (me):





And this:



Sunday, November 23, 2014

Coiled Stew

Coiled Stew


Two pounds hot Italian sausage
One medium yellow onion
One red pepper
Garlic
One can kidney beans
One can diced tomatoes
Brown rice/quinoa blend

Optional: One bag spinach

In a big pot cook up some garlic in olive oil, add chopped onions and red pepper, stir around.

While this is happening cut up poopy-looking sausage coils into one-inch chunks.

Heave them into the pot and stir it all up, let it go for a while. Keep stirring so nothing burns. Add beans and tomatoes, with all liquids, lower the heat, stir some more, cover. 

After 30 minutes or so transfer the whole mess into a crock pot, which is where it's going to wind up anyway.

When you're ready to eat cook up some brown rice/qunioa blend, unless you want to spend $12 for a little box of pure keen-wah, which strikes me as a pretty major rip-off.

If you cant to add the spinach just rip the shit up or chop it or whatever and shove it in the crock pot before you cook the rice and keen-wah. By the time the rice is done the spinach will be done too.

Serve with grated cheese. You could also mix in some sour cream.

It looks pretty nasty but it tastes good, and it'c cheap and easy to make.





Saturday, November 22, 2014

Stupid Winter — LL Bean PrimaLoft Packaway Jacket

As I grow older I realize how much I despise winter.

The short, grey days, when the sun comes up around 10 in the morning and disappears after lunch.

The spitting rain freezing on top of the dirty snow.

The plastic on the windows, for the ever-popular glaucoma effect.

I needed something to fill the void between lined trenchcoat and waxed cotton coat, and basic large hunting shirt, so I took a shot at one of these

It arrived the other day, and I deployed it this morning (24 degrees F and windy).



It is amazingly warm, especially for the weight. I initially thought it was a joke. My Drizzler windbreaker weighs more.

Trundling around the grocery store, which is not a warm place, I had to open it up to avoid overheating.

I bought an XL. I am 5'9" and about 180 at the moment. It fits fine. The sleeves are a little long, which for a winter jacket is no hardship.

The pockets are all on the outside.

The front is a zipper, no backup snaps or Velcro.

I am wearing it here with a thick Rugby shirt underneath, and a scarf.

I wouldn't try to fool with this and a suit or sport coat at the same time. Wrong type of garment.

Thumbs up. Four coils. Whatever.



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Friday, November 21, 2014

The Genius of Thom Christopher; or How to Be Bald and Evil While Wearing a Ladies' Turban

I have now rewatched "Deathstalker," "Deathstalker II," and the imaginatively titled "Deathstalker III."

And while number one has a certain flair in the evil wizard with the face tats; and number two has the unforgettable Monique Gabrielle in two roles that both require extensive breastal exposure, plus John La Zar (as the sorcerer) using up all his little riffs that got cut from "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls"...

Number three is superior.

Why?

Because of Thom Christopher as the evil wizard Troxartes.

You probably know Thom from "Law and Order" reruns. He usually plays a New York jerk of some kind - boardroom jerk, attorney jerk, ordinary bald schmendrick-type jerk.

Thom's got damn good teeth, and they really get a workout in "Deathstalker III." Rarely has so much scenery been chewed by one actor.

He gives us demonic "I shall rule the world while clad in a fleece blanket from Target" laughter. He sashays through what the discerning critics of Mystery Science Theater rightly called the worst swordfight in cinema history. (The longest, too, according to Joe Bob Briggs' post-screening assessment for The Movie Channel.)

But most of all, Thom's Troxartes channels Gloria Swanson.




Now is that eerie or what?

The costume department was on the ball in this flick. The head henchman does his thing wearing a helmet clearly inspired by the cover of Cher's 1978 album "Take Me Home."




So while John Allen Nelson does not bring the same insouciant charm to the title role as D2's John Terlesky, and Carla Herd does not get nearly as nekkid as Monique, in Thom Christopher's Troxartes we have the stuff of greatness.

Three and a half coils, if I can find them.



Monday, November 17, 2014

Selfie-referential

"My Name is Bruce" is an extremely silly comedy horror flick from 2007 starring Bruce Campbell as himself. He is picked by a fan to help combat an Ancient Evil. Very mild hilarity ensues. No nekkidity. Self-referential, in the same sense that taking a picture of yourself making a stupid face and sending it to all your moron "friends" is self-referential.


It's a harmless and forgettable way to kill 86 minutes.

Mildly amusing, it gets two coils.


Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Ferlin Husky Sings!



The best way to describe Ferlin Husky singing the theme to "Swamp Girl" is to let you hear it for yourself.

Magnificent, isn't it?

And you get a whole movie too!

Nat, who is black, lives in the swamp with Janine, the Swamp Girl, who is young, blonde, pretty —and pretty nimble in a boat.

Swamp Girl thinks Nat is her Paw, until circumstances force him to tell her the truth, which is that he saved her from the drunken white-slaving abortionist Doc.

So now he's just Nat.

Meanwhile the local goobers are searching for the Swamp Girl, plus the sheriff, plus the Swamp Ranger, who is Ferlin Husky.

And a Bonnie and Clyde couple decide to cross the swamp on foot, which is not a good idea.

Alligator death. Snake death — twice. No, three times. (Snakes are cheaper than gators.) Air boat. Magic dress on Swamp Girl, that never gets wet or dirty. No nekkidity (automatic one-coil deduction). Brutal speech by mother of Convict Girl, to wrap up loose ends of plot. Convincing demonstration of why loafers are not the right footgear for swamps.

And, of course, the dulcet tones of Ferlin Husky singing the theme song and playing the guitar.

Two and a half coils.


Sunday, August 17, 2014

Queen of Outer Space, Dahling



Zsa Zsa Gabor stars as Telleah, the good Venusian scientist, in Edward Bernds immortal Queen of Outer Space (1958).

Unhappily, Ms. Gabor's lines do not include the word "dahling."

Some astronauts go up in a space ship to visit the space station, which is pretty prescient for 1958.

But before they get there the station gets blasted by a death ray from Venus. The ship crashes in some excellent scenery on said planet, and the crew is taken prisoner by Venusian guards with really good legs.

Venus is run by the crazy Queen Yllana, who wears a sort of masked ball thing on account of the stupid men who caused her face to be disfigured. The stupid men are on a moon, which has been converted to a slave colony.

So there's a lot of blah blah blah and it turns out Zsa Zsa and like-minded girls (who have better legs) wish to overthrow the Queen and get some men back.

But Yllana is determined to zap the Earth.

Great-looking guards and gams. Flat-screen TVs. Radiation burns. Ornate masks. Cardboard sets. Heartfelt waving goodbye to spaceship by girl in unfortunate green dress. Story by Ben Hecht, of all people. Very silly, and a lot of fun.

Three coils.