"I remember back in the summer of Aught-Nine, it was hot. I bought a pair of plaid pants from some outfit in Buffalo. Mathilda Grunewald goosed me at the post office, she was so excited.
"That's the way it was back then. If a gal goosed you when you were wearing plaid pants, it was assumed you'd be married.
"But I showed her. Joined General Snodgrass' Allied but Disoriented Brigade and fought the Bermudans in Iceland. Came back a hero, and Mathilda'd been knocked up by Hiram Witherspoon, the game warden, and up and moved to a tarpaper shack along the Quogaquogue."