Hooray for Technology

It wasn't complicated. I wanted to know if the New York Jets vs. Houston would be one of the NFL games we get in NW Connecticut today.

It's not a given that we get the Jets game. Broadcasters consider us either Giants or Patriots fans, with some justification. If New England and the Jets are playing at the same time, we get the Pats.

Today the Patriots are playing at 4 p.m., so it should be the Jets. Unless this is a Fox doubleheader week, in which case there might be some other hassle. When are the Giants playing?

Oh, that's at 8 p.m., on another network. OK.

So I look at the guide thing on the actual TV. "To be announced." Oh. That's helpful. Thank you, dog-ass Comcast.

(As an aside, I have been asking Comcast to include the Fox Business Network so I can watch Don Imus in the morning instead of firing up the AM radio — with its iffy reception at 6 a.m. It's not as if there isn't room in the Comcast channel lineup. Surely the system that offers the Costume Jewelry Network and the Useless Crap in Ersatz Wicker Baskets Channel can handle this simple request. Comcast in other areas carries FBN. But no. All I get is a canned response — "We're sorry. We cannot include everybody's favorites. Our selection is based on in-depth surveys and whatever our executives thought up while taking their morning dump.")

Maybe the CBS affiliate in Hartford has its schedule on its website. Oh, gee, it doesn't. I guess everybody has it memorized.

Hmm. Newspapers used to have television schedules. Maybe...

Nope. The listings are probably somewhere on the websites of four Connecticut dailies, but to find them you need a degree in computer science and the mindset of Dr. Leakey, patiently dusting off ancient bones.

All this effing information at my fingertips, yet I cannot get the answer to this question — will Channel Three in Hartford broadcast the New York Jets football game at 1 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 21, 2010.

I am moving toward the opinion that all this computer-wireless-blog-text-cell shit should be unplugged and the components scrapped. Back to mono, the manual typewriter, and rotary telephones.