For professional pols, Sens. Clinton and Obama sure are clumsy. When not making ill-considered remarks about infants or inventing tales of derring-do, they are committing public, televised acts of bad bowling and, in the case of Mrs. Clinton, baring her teeth in a rictus-like grimace masquerading as a smile.
And they keep doing The Shuffle - clarifying, selectively denying, and otherwise dancing around whatever damn fool thing escaped from their wide open yaps that particular day.
They make Sen. John McCain, no mean Shuffler himself, look like a combination of the genes of Lincoln, Reagan and Aunt Bee from the "Andy Griffith Show" - visionary, principled, and possessed of good common sense and a sturdy rolling pin.
We are, however, professionals, and at some point money must change hands. So:
- Obama wins popular vote, regular delegates, nominated on first ballot: 2-1
- Obama wins as above but gets the shaft as super-delegates bolt to Clinton: 3-1
- Same scenario as number two, but entire thing gets hopelessly bogged down in big fight about the rules, which nobody understands: 7-2
- Big fight about rules drags on for four days, at which point Al Gore, dressed as an earth-toned Peter Pan, is lowered on to the stage from a crane to save the day. Howard Dean plays Tinker Bell: 9-2.