Empty "Canyons"

Paul Schrader's "The Canyons" (written by Bret Easton Ellis) is a tedious piece of crap about bored decadent Hollywood people of marginal talent and interest.

Blah blah blah...

A self-portrait, in other words.

It has some nekkidity, but some of it involved Lindsay Lohan, who really needs to get her act together.

It also has a real life Porn Star, James Deen. He talks too much.

As does everybody in this clunker.

...blah blah blah blah...

You can't make an exploitation film, or even a daring, boundary-pushing flick, and bore the crap out of the audience.

A Fast-Forward Special -- to the dogpile scene, which is icky.

...blah blah blah blah oh let's get nekkid blah blah blah blah.

Zero coils. A complete waste of time.